Feeling Overwhelmed by Life? Maybe you don’t need to do more
Over the past two or three weeks, I’ve been feeling a little unlike myself.
Not ill. Not having some enormous life crisis. Just overwhelmed. And if you’ve ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed by life, even when everything seems to be going reasonably well, you’ll probably recognise what I’m about to describe.
I’ve had a lot going on, and the slightly ridiculous thing is that I was perfectly capable of doing everything I’d committed to. I could organise it, turn up, deliver, support people and keep all the plates spinning.
But somewhere along the way, I forgot to leave any room for myself.
And I wonder how many of you recognise that feeling?
You’re getting everything done. From the outside, life looks pretty good. But you’re not cooking properly, you’ve stopped doing things you enjoy, your enthusiasm has gone wandering off somewhere, and the thought of another person needing something from you makes you want to hide under a duvet.
That’s pretty much where I found myself.
And yes, the irony of being a Clinical Nutritional Therapist who spends her days helping people understand stress, recovery and looking after themselves is not lost on me!
But knowing how something works doesn’t make you immune to being human.
Just because you can do it all, doesn’t mean you have the capacity to
This has been my biggest reminder over the past few weeks.
Capability and capacity are two very different things.
Capability is what you’re able to do. Your skills, knowledge, experience and ability to get things done.
Capacity is what you have available to give, taking into account everything else that’s happening in your life.
And I think highly capable people can be particularly good at confusing the two.
We say yes because we know we can do something. We squeeze another commitment into the diary because technically there’s a gap. We take on another responsibility because we’re good at handling things.
But a gap in your diary doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got the physical, mental or emotional energy to fill it.
And just because you’re managing everything doesn’t mean it’s not costing you something.
For me, that cost was my creativity, my enthusiasm and my desire to be around people.
Which is quite a big price to pay when you think about it.
Why do we stop doing the things that make us feel good?
Something I’ve noticed, both personally and in my clinical practice, is that when life gets too full, the first things we sacrifice are often the things that make us feel good.
Cooking becomes grabbing whatever’s easiest. Exercise becomes another thing we haven’t got time for. Seeing friends feels like an effort. Creative hobbies disappear because there are more important things to do.
And before we know it, our entire life becomes one enormous to-do list.
The frustrating thing is that these supposedly optional activities are often the very things that help us feel like ourselves.
Preparing a lovely meal, moving our bodies, laughing with friends, sitting outside, painting, reading, having a conversation that isn’t about work or somebody else’s problems.
They’re not simply rewards for getting everything else done.
They’re part of living.
And I think we can become so focused on being productive that we forget we’re supposed to actually enjoy some of this!
What happens to our bodies when we’re constantly busy?
Now, I’m not suggesting that having a busy few weeks automatically means your nervous system is dysregulated or your body has forgotten how to repair itself.
Our bodies are incredibly adaptable. We’re designed to respond to challenges, and periods of stress are a normal part of life.
But we’re also designed to recover.
Our stress-response systems help us meet demands by changing things like our alertness, heart rate and the availability of energy. That’s useful when we need it.
The difficulty comes when the demands keep coming and we don’t give ourselves enough opportunities to rest and replenish.
Over time, ongoing stress can affect sleep, mood, concentration, appetite and how we feel physically. And if we’re also skipping meals, sleeping badly and losing the routines that usually support us, it’s hardly surprising that we might start feeling a bit rubbish.
Of course, not every symptom is caused by stress. Persistent fatigue, low mood or changes in how you feel can have other explanations, including nutritional deficiencies, hormonal changes, poor sleep and medical conditions.
But sometimes the question isn’t what else we need to add to our health routine.
It’s what we might need to take away.
This weekend, I remembered what it feels like to be me
After a few weeks of feeling increasingly overwhelmed, I decided I needed a weekend without trying to squeeze another million things into it.
On Saturday, I went food shopping.
Nothing revolutionary there, except I wasn’t rushing around trying to get it done as quickly as possible. I took my time, bought some lovely food and spent the evening cooking.
On Sunday, I prepared more food, did a gentle workout and spent the afternoon painting in my gym.
I wasn’t particularly worried about whether the painting was any good. I was just enjoying doing something creative.
And later, I joined my husband on the beach.
We’ve been together for 16 years, and I genuinely can’t remember the last time I went down to be a part of his windsurfing joy. It might have been ten years.
TEN YEARS!
We live by the sea, for goodness’ sake.
And it wasn’t some grand romantic occasion. We just sat there, enjoying being together, with nowhere else we needed to be.
It struck me that none of the things I’d done that weekend was particularly extraordinary.
I’d cooked, moved my body, painted and sat on a beach with someone I love.
But I felt more like myself than I had in weeks.
And I realised how much I’d missed that version of me.
Why feeling overwhelmed by life can make you want to hide away
One thing I noticed when I was overwhelmed was how much I wanted to withdraw from people.
I spend a lot of my working life supporting others, listening, encouraging, problem-solving and holding space for whatever they’re going through.
And I love what I do.
But there are times when I simply don’t have the energy to give any more of myself.
Sometimes choosing solitude is exactly what we need. A quiet evening, a walk alone or a weekend without plans can be wonderfully restorative.
But if you regularly find yourself wanting to hide from life, particularly from people and activities you normally enjoy, I think it’s worth getting curious about why.
Are you overcommitted? Are you getting enough sleep? Have you stopped eating properly? Is something else affecting your mood or energy?
And if that withdrawal or loss of enjoyment persists, it’s important not to dismiss it as simply being busy.
I also think we need to remember that relationships should work both ways.
I love supporting people, but I need people who lift me up too. People I can learn from, laugh with, be inspired by and occasionally lean on.
We can be both the mentor and the mentee.
We don’t always have to be the strong one.
As the days get shorter, what do you need more of?
We’re heading into that time of year when the evenings get darker, the daylight becomes a little more precious and our routines naturally start to shift.
Not everyone struggles during autumn and winter, of course. Some people absolutely love it.
But it’s a good opportunity to check in with ourselves.
Are we getting outside during daylight? Are we making time to move? Are we eating meals that properly nourish us? Are we staying connected to people who make us feel good?
And perhaps most importantly, are we allowing ourselves some time that doesn’t have to achieve anything?
Because here’s what I don’t want you to do.
Read this blog and immediately add another five self-care activities to your already overflowing diary.
That’s rather missing the point!
The answer to having too much to do isn’t necessarily finding more things to do.
Sometimes it’s saying no. Sometimes it’s leaving a gap in the diary and resisting the temptation to fill it. Sometimes it’s recognising that something can wait.
And sometimes it’s giving yourself permission to spend an afternoon doing something purely because you enjoy it.
Maybe you don’t need to do more to feel better
If there’s one thing these past few weeks have reminded me, it’s that looking after ourselves isn’t just about eating the right foods, exercising, taking supplements or getting eight hours of sleep.
Those things can matter enormously, but so does having a life that feels good to live.
Having the energy to be creative. Having conversations that make you laugh. Spending time with people who bring out the best in you. Being able to enjoy an ordinary Sunday without mentally running through everything you should be doing instead.
And I think that’s something worth protecting.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, perhaps ask yourself this:
What have I stopped doing lately that used to make me feel like me?
And rather than finding a way to squeeze it back into your already busy life, perhaps look at what could make room for it.
Because the most important question might not be how much more we can fit into our lives.
It might be whether we’re leaving enough space to actually live them.
If you’re feeling constantly exhausted, overwhelmed or disconnected from yourself, and you’re not sure what’s contributing to it, this is part of what I explore in my 1:1 Clinical Nutritional Therapy work. We look at the bigger picture, from nutrition and sleep to stress, lifestyle and underlying health factors, so we can work out what your body actually needs, rather than simply adding more things to your to-do list.